Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Real Housefugs of New York

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Have I totally lost the plot, or is Kelly Bensimon walking down the street wearing her bath mat?

I'm serious. And this is honestly not even that surprising. Having watched many an episode of every Real Housewife franchise -- because I have no shame -- I can truthfully testify that Kelly Bensimon DOES seem to be the sort of person who might look down at her bathroom floor and think, "THIS. I'm going to wear THIS." I mean, she also jogs down 5th Avenue. THE STREET SECTION. NOT THE SIDEWALK. Wearing a bath mat probably seems neither bizarre nor questionable to the mind who doesn't see anything weird about forcing traffic to follow her at low speeds while she trots through the streets of New York. We should probably be glad it isn't her shower curtain.

Kenzie Fugton

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[Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: Kenzie. Don't look up. Stare at the ground.

KENZIE DALTON: Why, Chad?

CHAD MM: Because.

KENZIE: That's a bad reason. If I stare at the ground, no one will see my face, and then I'll never get in Us Weekly and our whole mystifying 4-year engagement will be for NAUGHT.

CMM: Look, everyone already thinks I'm a douche, okay? I just don't want them to think I am in any way associated with those pants. Or that refried Carrie Bradshaw flower on your coat.

KENZIE: You're being annoying. Am I old enough to drink yet? Because I need one.

CMMMMMMMMM: Just hurry, okay, before anyone recognizes us.

KENZIE: No, Chad. Stop. You're denying America your special gift. Do you really want to skulk anonymously through the night, just because it looks like a small child ran with scissors directly at my pants? Do you? Is THAT the kind of man I'm marrying?

CM-SQUARED: Well, but we're never ACTUALLY getting married, are we?

KENZIE: LOOK UP AND DO WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO, or else I will wear these pants every day.

C-DOUBLE-M: FINE. I'll do it.

Continue reading Kenzie Fugton.

Fug and Grace

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I really miss that terrible show Debra Messing was on last year. You remember. Judy Davis was using it to pay the rent. Vampire Bill was on it when it was a mini-series, as Debra's boyfriend, who happened to be both homeless AND a murderer but still was supposed to be seen as a legitimate catch, like I know it's hard to be single in Los Angeles but come on. And he was truly terrible, so bad that I think he must thank God every day that he landed on True Blood, where his slightly wooden affect works well for his uptight-yet-largely-nude vampire character. I can't remember what it was called, but I miss it, and clearly Debra has sunk into a deep depression regarding its cancellation, because what else could possibly explain...any of this?

I mean, a secret pregnancy would explain the cut of the dress. But nothing save for depression/head injury/a misguided attempt to switch to lo-flow shower heads could possibly explain the styling. Sugarplum, ain't no shame in throwing up your hands and just wearing a ponytail. You feel me?

Fug or Fab or Unfug: Freida Pinto

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Well, from the neck up Freida Pinto is as gorgeous as ever.

From the neck down, I'm less sure. I love the shoes. And the bag. And the fouffiness of the skirt ("fouffiness" being a technical fashion term). It makes me want to twirl around. But I kind of wish the under-dress were black, too, because something about the beige reminds me of Spanx. And Spanx reminds me of being unable to breathe. And then I start to hyperventilate and I want to lie down.

What do you think? Tell me while I look for my inhaler.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle

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So, can we assume that Eva Mendes has flown the Rachel Zoe coop? Because no matter what you may say about RZ -- insert a lengthy screed here that includes the words, "literally," "I die," "skinny," "bananas," "sandwich," and "caftan" -- I don't know that she would actually do this to anyone:

Sister, that is a lot of sideboob and while I'm not opposed to the sideboob in theory, like a nuclear warhead it must be deployed with great caution and only in the most serious of circumstances. Sure, that level of boob poking out from a button-down is fine if you're in a shaving cream commercial wearing your husband's shirt and gazing at him while he shaves, thus proving that Mac117 or whatever not only removes hair from one's face but is also A BABE MAGNET. And it's fine if you're playing the role of Teacher in any kind of Hot for Teacher Scenario. And of course it works when you're in the midst of shaking out your hair and taking off your glasses in a ploy to elicit a, "why, Miss [Whatever], you're BEAUTIFUL" in a B-movie from back when people said things like,"why, Miss [Whatever], you're BEAUTIFUL." But I think Eva here would be well-served by maybe buttoning ONE more button. Because instead of being sexy, from the front this thing turns into kind of a mess:

Continue reading Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle .

Fugs and Pieces: Friday, November 6th

-- Busy Phillips called Chad Michael Murray "a douche" at the Paley Festival's Dawson's Creek event. The account of the ensuing attempts of James Van Der Beek to kinda-sorta-not-really defend The Chad is hysterical. Oh, CMM. You squinty, squinty douche.[Zap2It]

-- This is a fascinating account of Nicolas Cage's compulsive spending: 'Three people who visited his house also report seeing shrunken heads. None is sure whether they were actual people's heads (which are illegal to import) or simply those of animals (which generally are not). Still, one thing was for certain. "They were pretty weird," says a source.' Also, the art on that first page really ought to be the next National Treasure movie poster. [The Daily Beast]

-- How is it possible that Dakota Fanning has grown up as an insanely respected child actress AND a totally normal kid who is also completely adorable? I mean, if you are a movie star and the potentially jealous fools at your high school STILL vote you Homecoming Princess, then you must be doing something right. [JustJared]

-- Who do we think is going to wear these Alexander McQueen shoes first? My vote is Lady Gaga, although she might have to wrestle them from Jennifer Lopez's greedy claws. [Vogue]

-- But it is REALLY a reality show based on The Cutting Edge if nobody is doing the pamchenko? [PopWatch]

-- Stephen Colbert wants to save the U.S. Olympic Speed Skating team by raising enough cash to sponsor it. People can donate by clicking here. We love you, Stephen. Also, you'd raise a lot more money if you promised to wear the unitard on-air. Trust us. We're fashion bloggers. [Time.com and USSpeedskating.org]

-- We did an interview for Lifetime's Web site, and then we picked a couple celebrity looks we like that are themed by People Whose Legs Remind Us We Really Need To Unplug The Laptop And Work Out Sometime. [MyLifetime.com]

-- And after the jump, a video clip that I hope will make your life, as it did mine:

Continue reading Fugs and Pieces: Friday, November 6th.

The Fuglls

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Okay, Kristin, we see you. And we covet your abs. Mission accomplished.

The Fugma Sisters

Bold choices from Yvonne and Madeline Zima here.

I'm not entirely convinced Yvonne didn't make that red thing herself one long, sleepless night while TNT ran the movie Maverick over and over again. And Madeline's seems like it belongs in one of those old-timey photo setups where you show up, they put old clothes over your real ones, and tell you not to smile while they take your photo -- all so you can get a sepia-toned picture of yourself in a cardboard frame looking like your own crabby ancestor.

In fact:

Continue reading The Fugma Sisters.

MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits

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Katy Perry had a busy night in Germany: As the host of the MTV EMAs, she did what every awards-show emcee does, and wore seventy billion different outfits. I got tired just sifting through the photos, and I didn't have to change my pants every five minutes to do it -- although maybe next time I will, just to increase my empathy. That way, when, say, Eva Longoria Parker hosts the ALMAs again and dons 15 separate ensembles, and I fug them, and she calls me up (you know, as she's wont to do) and goes, "Bitch, you don't know my life," I can be like, "Oh yes I DO -- do you KNOW how many t-shirts I went through last night while I was surfing for photos?" And then we'll cry and hug it out and she'll give me a pair of Louboutins from her closet as a peace offering.

Anyway: Perry. Let's start with what she wore on the red carpet.

I don't mind this too much. From some angles, the black detail looks like a creeping skin disease, and I guess it is indenting on her left boob a little bit, and I am tired of fishtails... in fact, given all of that, why DOESN'T it bother me? I don't know. I actually think she looks pretty. And TINY. It's not that I ever thought Katy Perry wasn't super slender, but for whatever reason this drove it home.

Later, there was this:

It's fine. It fits her boobs better. It's fairly plain, but for the adornment on her chest that reminds me of what might happen if you ran over an Everlasting Gobstopper with your car.

Once Katy got on stage, though, things took their usual turn:

Continue reading MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits.

Leigh Lezfugk

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blue

This photo was a contender for Freaky Fug Friday, until Katy Perry swooped in with her Swiss Cheese ball gown and stole Leigh Lezark's thunder.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's just as well. Because obviously, based on her dress, Leigh Lezark has just returned from an incredibly depressing and cheap Hawaiian vacation, and she needs some time to heal.

Real Housefugs of New York

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Kenzie Fugton

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Fug and Grace

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Fug or Fab or Unfug: Freida Pinto

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Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle

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Fugs and Pieces: Friday, November 6th

The Fuglls

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The Fugma Sisters

MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits

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Leigh Lezfugk

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