Fug the Cover: Scarlett Johannson

So, word on the street is that CosmoGirl is kaput. Which is a shame for its staff: it can't have been easy to take the essence of Cosmo (sex tips) and translate it for a younger audience, and goodness knows no one likes to hear about failing projects in this, Our National Time of OMG I'm Just Going To Hide All My Money In My Mattress LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET LA LA LA LA! On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if someone at Hearst saw this copy on the coffee table, picked it up, and said, "shortie jumpers in NOVEMBER? THIS IS OVER." I mean, can't you rock the vote just as enthusiastically in, say, jeans? And without even worrying about what they're going to do to your crotch. THAT'S patriotic.

Fug Or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

We already zapped Li'l Tisdale with a fug-or-fab once this week, but it seems like she's making a habit out of "sort of cute, maybe" outfits.

There's plenty of okay elements here but, for me, the whole isn't worth the sum of the parts. I don't know. Perhaps it's that the bodice line seems awfully low. Or that the bling on the belt and neck looks a tad chintzy .It could also have to do with the fact that the entire dress makes her look oddly square. But I suspect my malcontent was spawned by the winged, fussy shoulders -- which I don't object to in principle, but in practice they make it look like Ashley is either shrugging or just incredibly stiff and tense. If she bobbed her head down a touch more, she'd be Hilary Duff circa 2004. Even Hilary Duff would probably react to that with a shudder. She knows.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal

"Sigh. Why am I here? Everyone around me seems so full of joie de vivre, and I...I feel but melancholy. Also, I wonder if this haircut was the right move."

poll by twiigs.com

Kate Moss For Fugshop

You might think the dude in the yellow shirt looks like he's with the paparazzi, but he's actually an Animal Planet videographer.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

He's shooting footage for the new series Hellcat House, a peek into the lives of these unique tired-out creatures who slow down only long enough to lace up their moccasin boots. This week: explaining to viewers the hellcat's improbable physiology that involves storing every last degree of body heat in the thigh region, leading to days where it's clearly too cold to shed the fur pelt, yet also too hot for anything but tiny cutoffs. This accounts for the species' seemingly blindly chosen mates: They're ruled by blazing-hot loins that are actually aflame 24/7.

NYFug.com: The Gossip Drought

In which we lament the lack of lurid dish to distract us from our problems:

Hollywood is serving us lukewarm leftovers when what we REALLY need is a nice, palate-cleansing gossip sorbet. [...] People can't spend 24 hours a day tracking the markets' demise or interpreting the latest polls. Without even just a few minutes of fanciful distraction to keep us from eating our feelings, we'll go crazier than Anne Heche on an alien spirit-walk through Fresno.

We do realize there are good REASONS that the news cycle lately has been awash in actual important stuff, but don't we all need a good old-fashioned celebrity scandal to relieve us of the stress of how freaking broke everyone is? Click on through to the full column to commiserate with us.

Fugys Matthews

I chiefly recall Welsh singer Cerys Matthews from Britain's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, on which she co-starred with a surprisingly hot-without-makeup Janice Dickinson and hooked up -- er, I mean, "connected on a deeply profound emotional level" -- with one of the other contestants.

Since then, she's made a keen living selling Robin Hood some more colorful tunics and serving as the most popular modern-dance instructor in all of Sherwood Forest. Sure, .Little John might be thundrously burly, but you should see his jazz hands.

Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

I actually think LC looks kind of great here. But for one thing: "A Cougar Stole My Man." PLEASE TELL ME THEY MEAN AN ACTUAL COUGAR. I want to read that story.

Also, I think she has more of a neck than this. Maybe a goat stole it.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug the Poster: Twilight

OH TWILIGHT. Why are you making me so happy, when I disliked the book upon which you are based so much? Part of it must be because, though I wasn't a fan of the book, I find the whole Twilight phenomenon to be very interesting. When that many people love something, there must be SOMETHING to it. Plus, books in general are good things. The other reason might be because the movie looks like it might be TERRIBLE and therefore potentially awesome. I mean, we all know how wack the cast looked on the cover of EW, and now... this! It's like the people who made the film read the book and got to the approximately 403,328 pages about how flawlessly gorgeous Edward (the fussy vampire boyfriend played by Robert "Cedric Diggory" Pattison here) is and looked at each other and were like, "Let's skip that part." AND WHY? It seems to me that the crux of the attraction of a book/movie about a super hot vampire boyfriend would be THE SUPER HOTNESS. And the other thing is that CEDRIC DIGGORY IS HOT ALREADY! It's like they've DE-HOTTED HIM against ALL REASON. Like here? I mean, at least he's not wearing Donald Trump's hair again, but his eyes seem to be looking in different directions and I think they accidentally dug his makeup out of the zombie bin (it IS right next to the vampire one). Also, Edward is supposed to be some kind of genius -- from what I can recall. Maybe he's just had the benefits of like 100 years of schooling -- but this kid looks like the meathead jock who gets turned into a zombie at the very beginning of a horror flick, and awkwardly gropes people before stumbling into a convenient open grave. And like, these two are lovers. Why does it look like this is actually the ad for a movie where an innocent girl is snatched off the streets and sold into a prostitution ring by a gang of weird pale dudes with an overly passionate attachment to hair gel? AND WHEN CAN I BUY MY TICKETS?

Byrdie Fug

You guys, I have finally finished my correspondence course! Mind-Reading Through Photography 101! Just in time to interpret this photo of Socialite Byrdie Bell!

Okay, okay. I know I can do this. All right, let me focus in on the subject's eyes. Yes....yes....I'm getting something. She's thinking...."Take my picture, you foolish plebeian and stop looking at me." Uh, that's kind of rude. We could sort of tell that from her face, too, right? Um, let's see, I'm sensing something else... "My coat is awesome." True -- but a bit self-congratulatory. "My shoes f'ing rule, you loser." Yes, the shoes are good. But why so crabby, Socialite Byrdie Bell? "I'm also wearing my grandma's wrinkled old slip as a dress. So what? I can look like a cranky old bag with good taste in accessories crawling out to grab her copy of The National Enquirer before dawn breaks if I want to. Drop dead!" Hmm. Fair enough. It IS a free country. But there's no need to be such a crabapple! Just look down at those shoes, sugar plum. They ought to cheer anyone up.

Confessions of a Fugaholic

I don't know how old Krysten Ritter here is, but I feel pretty confident that she is no longer in grammar school, and, ergo, is probably looking at this picture right now and wondering, "why am I posing like a six-year old?

Why, to show off her fancy dress, of course! And I actually don't hate it -- the idea of the underskirt (or, I guess, an overskirt...whatever) is sort of interesting and I bet this would actually be attractive if, you know, there were only wee peeks of the white as you walked around the room, drinking cocktails and laughing uproariously at jokes being told by handsome, sophisticated -- yet rugged! -- male models/nuclear physicists (I have been reading a lot of Judith Krantz lately. My interior life is truly enriched). But I am pretty sure doing the red carpet equivalent of flipping your dress over your head to show your grandma your cute matching underpants is frowned upon.

FugnRolla

I'm sure that whatever fabric this is, it's incredibly expensive.

But if it photographs like you are swaddled in Saran Wrap, maybe it's time to spend your hard-earned cash on something that doesn't remind people of the leftovers in the fridge that they should've thrown out two weeks ago.

Fugliest Things

I think I like Lily Allen's shorter haircut:

The outfit is only okay. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that several party guests absently ordered martinis from her and/or handed her their coats, but no cartoon characters are vomiting up blood all over her skirt so I consider it a small victory. In fact, if I didn't know from other pictures and blogs that she'd been a total sweaty, blurry mess lately, I might have patted her on the back for pulling it together long enough to stand upright and smile.

Her shoes, though, are giving me frown lines:

Continue reading Fugliest Things.

Fuggity Kane

Oh no:

Somewhere, there is an Obama staffer tasked with writing a very tactful email that essentially says, "OH MY GOD CUT IT OUT YOU ARE NOT HELPFUL." Somewhere, there is a hair dresser who is composing a very kind email that still basically reads, "OMG WHEN YOUR ROOTS ARE THIS BAD DON'T WEAR YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT." And somewhere, there is a very small, overly accessorized dog learning to write so that he can leave Aubrey O'Day a note that explains where he's gone and why he's NEVER COMING BACK.

Wetten Fug

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

KARL: There has been a mistake. Those breasts are not possible.

SALMA: Hi, Mr. ... Karl... listen, I just have to... I PROMISE this was not my idea.

KARL: Promises are for liars, pet. JUICE THE TRUTH, you naughty orange.

SALMA: No, I'm serious, didn't you hear? I lost a bet!

KARL: Never gamble with the produce section, darling. If I saw you on a parade float I'd say, "Lo! Bring me a melon-baller and some velvet shoes." Do you juggle?

SALMA: I'm not kidding -- they had this backstage. It's not even mine. Please understand.

KARL: Comprehension is where intrigue ends and the yawning begins. MYSTIFY. Then kill the wardrobe servant.

SALMA: I can't believe you had to be here the day this happened. You're never going to take me seriously again, are you?

KARL: There are two kinds of people, you divine flesh balloon -- those who snort majesty and those who buy cantaloupes. You know who you are. If I tug your braid, will there be milk?

SALMA: Everyone who booked me on this show will be fired. SO VERY FIRED.

KARL: Shhh, pet. Your heaving agony disturbs the egg basket. RELEASE. And then pause while I contemplate making a meringue out of your bosom.

Fug or Fab: Jada Pinkett Smith

JADA PINKETT SMITH: Hey, La. Can I talk to you about something?

QUEEN LATIFAH: Sure! Is it how pleased you were to see me on Saturday Night Live this past week?

JPS: No....

QL: Is it how cute my hair looks like this?

JPS: Not exactly....

QL: Is it that you like my dress? I like yours, too! We look great! Let's go harass Will until he does his imitation of the Carlton dance for us!

JPS: No, it's about MY hair.

QL: What about...oh. The bangs?

JPS: Yeah.

QL: Hmm.

JPS: I know.

QL: Let's put it to a poll:

poll by twiigs.com

Fug the Cover: Scarlett Johannson

Fug Or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Kate Moss For Fugshop

NYFug.com: The Gossip Drought

Fugys Matthews

Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

Fug the Poster: Twilight

Byrdie Fug

Confessions of a Fugaholic

FugnRolla

Fugliest Things

Fuggity Kane

Wetten Fug

Fug or Fab: Jada Pinkett Smith

Fug Yourself Up

Fug Favorites

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